a year end begining...

I really never believed in New Year resolutions…
But I guess I’ll be making one this time…
I guess…



I really never know kung ano talaga ang kulang…
I have friends.
I have things.
I have much…
But I’m empty.
Fuckingly thirsty.



I have to admit that this year begun wonderfully… or maybe I just, thought. But generally, I really enjoyed the year 2008, I have found new friends in the persona of my new co Peer Counselors and student volunteers, and of course the many new faces that I have meet this current semester. All of them, I really cherish and care for, I really do. Though I guess I am not that showy, but I do, I really honestly do. Beyond these, I am happy to have finally moved on from being dumped, or maybe rejected, from the very start. Masakit to know now that she choose someone over me, pero she’s happy and that’s the way I want her to be, kaya it’s right na maging masaya na rin ako for her. But, of course, anu’t ano pa man, I will always be here, for her…

I use not just periods in my blogs, coz most of the time I want the story to go on…

Going back, in my status qoh, I have to admit that I am still lonely…
Alam ko naman kasi that a lot of people around me, cares for me…
Alam na alam ko yun.
I have my family; I have my friends, a bunch of good and bad, and best ones.
I have a lot.
I know.

But I want more.
Gusto kong macompensate emotionally…
There has always been a song in my heart, but no one can hear.
It’s cold to caress the self, alone.

Isa lang naman ang sagot sa problema ko; sabi nila, it’s to search.
Pero papaano kung nakita ko na sya….
But the circumstances seem to hinder.
Natatakot to show because I might lose again.
And lose many.
I hate being alone, kaya hindi ko kayang magMOVE and go into the scene…
As I have said, I might lose many.

I hate confinement, but I myself can’t escape from this thing.
Siguro, ito ang turn down ng isang emo…
takot masaktan, matalo, maiwan; kaya hinahayaang sarili ang makaFeel ng pain alone.

Siguro, this coming year…
I’ll be braver.
Braver.