i wanna quit smoking...

I have a confession to make…

I smoke.

Many of my acolytes don’t know of this. I was able to keep such vice from their knowledge quite a long time now. Well, two things for sure; first, I really am good at keeping things I want to keep and second indeed, still am afraid that they might misjudge me; that I was able to hide this vice. I have to admit, at first what I do seems cool and is very “my age” but now it seems nothing but mere stupidity.

It was around sixth grade when I had my first try. But for the record, it was just a try, an attempt ( but the bottom line, I had a taste ) It was in high school when I was able to consume an entire stick, then it was followed by two more, three, and ended up with pack.

What do I say? All the rest were history.
Smoker, I officially became; and still am…

The pleasure of the vice runs into my veins…
I crave for it most of the time, and each time I do, I do it in the hide…
Then there is satisfaction, pleasure in being someone not ordinary…
Pleasure.


Temptations come, I succumb… and the trend goes …
Pleasure, Pleasure…
Pleasure.

But despite such gratification, in every kiss and blow; there is guilt.
With the smoke, wasted time flies.
Then I’ll think…

Is it worth it?
Is it worth all the risk?

Then I’ll think…
Temptations come, I’ll think…
I’ll resist… but then, succumbs…
and the trend lives on…

I wanna quit…
Quit! Quit! I thought of that many times ago…
But it did not work, never did…

Until this boring, superdupersonicmegatronic teacher of mine said…
To really quit ( he was referring not about my smoking )is to…
To QUIT FROM something To QUIT FOR someone.
True, the bulb of the great “AHA!” went blinking in my head…

And now…
Here I am…
At the verge of quitting from smoking to quit for…
MYSELF!

I’ve realized that I have to do this for me, I, MyseLf!
Aside from the reason that am really getting sick of this f*cking vice,
am also getting sick of the guilt, of the wasted time…

I know that the road is gonna be tough,
That’s why am begging…
Help me please…

Help me quit.
I’ll appreciate advices and most of all I’ll appreciate it more if you keep this amongst us…
PLEASE…

I’m gonna quit!
I’m gonna hate kissing and blowing…
I’m gonna QUIT!


QUIT, QUIT, QUIt!

*PS. I’ll need encouragements, comments are gonna be honoured… soMUCH!
And since u’ve learned my secret… let’s keep it between us alone… tnx!

laundry lessons

I’ve been reading Fulghum’s “All I Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten”; as a response here’s my recent realizations…

Landry Lessons.

College life entails a lot of independence; that means work.
It includes learning to do basic chores like doing the laundry, pressing and many more.
All of which, we usually do with less attention…

But come to think of it; there are lessons even in these humble chores.
As the washers hum; there are stuffs that I have realized and for the first time learned.
Read on…

• The washing machine has a special dirt catcher. It’s function? Catch every crap and dirt the cloths may bring into its system. I was just wondering, will there be someone ready to catch all my crap every time I mess up? Will there be?
• The washer spins as timed, choices are 3,6,9,15 minutes, a countdown ‘till the spinning stops. I was just wondering, sooner my life’s spinning will stop; am I spending it worth the while.
• The washer can do two jobs at a time, wash and spin dry. I was just wondering if the machine can only do two jobs, how come people do more? Which of which feels exhaustion?
• In doing the laundry, the whites go with the whites and the colored cloths with the colored. I was just wondering why does this also apply to social classes; are we as lowly as clothes? I don’t think so.
• In a few minutes all my dirty clothes come out of the washer clean and fresh. I was just wondering; can there be a washer where I can plunge in and come out fresh and clean again.
• The washer has this “delicate, normal, and strong” wash options. I was just wondering; in dealing with people, do I identify who’s delicate and who’s strong? Or am I always harsh?
• The washer and the dyer both have individual control buttons. I was just wondering; do I have the control over all my life’s aspects?
• The water supply tubes has two options, one leading to the washer, the other to the spin dryer; I was just wondering, will anybody choose to take a path leading to me? Makes me wonder, why am I still waiting.
• The cloths inside simply spin round and round and round. I was just wondering, if life also turns around, why am I always left alone. When will my life turn, when will my heart beat?
• I’ve just noticed; washing machines always have a washer and a spin dryer. I was just wondering, if am a washer, where could have been my spin dryer?

It’s amazing how we could find unusual realizations over usual things and stuffs.
Join my journey of discovering the uncommon in the commons, and let’s enjoy the simplicity of life.
After all, it’s not that hard to sometimes pause and reflect on small things rather than the complexities of life.

Going back, I did enjoy reflecting on my humble laundry.

Care to know what’s my most significant learning?
Well, simple lang…
Buti na lang my washing machine na, hirap kaya maglaba…
Hehhehheeeehheee….

an open conversation...

Today is my first birth date for the year 2009; and I really feel great!
Until I and my favourite cousin had a conversation through text…
the reason?
Read up…

Brent: unli k?
Tjean: ou!
Brent: aq mueeXpire n, 7:49…
Tjean: huh?! kINIS toh, bk8 ngaun k lng ngtxt?
Brent: ai, kung alam mu lng ate qng anung ngyari knina. Hirap maging atenista!
Tjean: bk8 anu ngyari?
Brent: wak mu n aLamin…
Tjean: handaya.. bk8 nga…
Brent: 20, minutes n lng 2h… sulitin n natin…
Tjean: kaya nga,. Anu nga ung pgging atenista mu
Brent: kaw mzta puso ntin…
Tjean: ito tumitibok p dn, tinamaan nga ata sya.
Brent: tinamaan? cnu? kanino?
Tjean: wala un, teka kamusta n nga pla ung klasmate mu n iknukwn2 mu skn?
Brent: ai, change topic?
Tjean: ou, hehehe. Anu nga?
Brent: aun? My swota n yun, pwo tinitxt qoH p diN
Tjean; ai iba ito…
Brent: syemps, asawa nga naaagaw…
Tjean: ay parang masayang magayo ng groupong ganyan…
Brent: ai marami n aQng kaSama d2…
Tjean: d2 rin, ayaw lng nila aminin,
Brent: hehehe…
Tjean: weee, basta wag mu lng cLa ccrain
Brent: ai, ou nman, mb8 kea aq
Tjean: wee… ans saya naman nian
Brent: basta andito lng aqo lagi naghihintay sa kanya, handang sumalo, kelan kaya sya mahuhulog noh?
Tjean: pagpagod k n?!
Brent: wag nmn sana, she’s too perfect to fall on the ground…
Tjean: ai parang masaya un,
Brent: oh, tamu pati ikaw natuwa sa pinsan mung malufeet magmahal, kaso yan malupit din masaktan…
Tjean: AY darating din cya =,(
Brent: sana nga dumating n ang THE ONE! (kung hnd man cya un)
Tjean: pareho tau naghihintay…
Brent: siguro nga hindi talaga cya un…
Tjean: bk8 nmn?
Brent: bk8 pinili nya ung iba?
Tjean: atleast sinabi nya sau ng maaga…
Brent: and sabi nya ayaw p nya kasi, natatakot cya… sabi p ng common frend nmn ayaw ng family.
Tjean: tapos?
Brent: db nga my syota n sya… hind sya takot, ayaw nya talaga…
Tjean: asus, there are many fishes in the sea…
Brent: panu kung sa libu-libong isda, cya lng ang gusto qoH binwitin?
Tjean: ududoy
Brent: auko dumating ung time n sabihin qoHng… hindi man nagging kami sa huli sya p rin ang first love Q… I want her to the first and the last…
Tjean: darating din cla…
Brent: hnd n, nakita qoh n cya… matagal n…
Tjean: chuck man kaya…
Brent: drama qoh noh…
Tjean: nagmahal k lng…
Brent: hnd kaya… i have not loved, nagmamahal p rin aQ, hnd tumigil un…

Oh, db? Sirain b naman ang birth date qoh…
Huhuhuhuhuhu….

Anyway, ayan, basta…
Shinare ko lang…
Wishing mababasa nya toh…
(desperado?????)

No matter what, I still love this day; fR. Xave’s homily says “ new covenant”.
Siguro nga I need a new covenant…

I just hope buhay pa si MICKEY?
Hope so….

some thing i should have learned in kindergarten

It’s not that late at night, but with my midterm exams scheduled tomorrow, this is late; but I can’t help but write this stuff…
I had a usual day, January 20 2009 seemed to be another ordinary school day. Turns out it’s not. After taking the first part of my examinations in my ever boring Accounting class, I and a friend went out for lunch, it was 10:30 in the morn; a usual regime. We ate at the usual cafeteria, and went back to Ateneo, another usual thing.

Since my friend’s class is still an hour afar and I; don’t have any anymore, I asked her to go with me to the Library. I was to return a borrowed book, she, to study for another exam. And so we did, we went to the library; a very usual time killer. We went to the third floor; I love the ambience there more than the two other levels of our library. Gelah, busied herself reading her notes, reviewing and I, got bored… another usual thing.

Then, finally I decided to find a book, a magazine or whatever to consume my time. I went to the nearest shelf, and there went shelf shopping. With no book in mind, I simply browsed through the books. I was able to lay my sight on a book which cover attracted me. I took it, and then went back to my browsing. In the midst of the boring pile of books I was able to lay my hand on another book entitled “All I Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten” I know I have heard the title mentioned by someone I can’t remember. One thing was clear; it’s a good book… good enough to kill my time.

And so, I sat on the Sofa facing the stairs leading down to the next floor and started eating the book. It’s indeed a good book that after a few page I was already laughing at the author’s wit in writing. His context was the world has become too complex but there are basic thoughts that can well define man’s existence in its face. It’s quite funny, but one thing’s sure, it’s substantial.

But the book is not my main story, I was reading this part that discuses about how life is way too wonderful that if we apply the basic learnings taught to us when we’re still kids, it won’t be that easy to see; when this girl passed by me. She was pretty, she was composed and poised. Before taking her first step down the stairs, she paused. All I thought was that there was something that she has to pick up, but I was wrong; she paused because she has to. She has to, because she was disabled, her legs are quite disproportional ( one is longer than the other ) She descended majestically though. It was too humbling, too genuine act courage and a really hard punch on my face that says “hey I can do more good things than you can”. Imagine a crippled teen amongst a hundred of students, with all effort descending from the third floor of the library, poised and a perfect picture of a good but happy student?

I just can’t help but admire her. Earlier that day, I was thinking of many stuff and that gave me that “UH! Hate this Life” syndrome. I felt like I was facing so much, that I want to run home and laze around. And then, there’s this girl, faced with the situation so simple, to me, but of great deal to her, a crippled going down the stairs, alone! She was just really awesome, her projection was never of that of a sad teen but rather of someone so confident and seemingly so disposed to face life.
I envy her for her courage. I envy her for her disposition. The stairs was a resemblance of life’s many adventures; but I believe she came prepared. I just envy her for having much faith and trust in herself.
It has always been my struggle, to push myself to do things I should do. I can, but I don’t and there she is, she can’t but she does. And indeed, it has been no ordinary day. I was taught with something I should have learned in kindergarten. Lesson learned! (“,)

just the same... (subtitle: late new year messages)

I have been thinking…

I’m starting the year right, kahit papaano.
Siguro substantial din talaga to read BOB Ong, and tumambay sa office ni ate Bitat;
that somehow gave me thoughts about, really I’m still me.

Siguro nga, maraming brokenness…
Siguro nga, maraming kaEpekan…
I am just the same! After all pala.

Hindi ko talaga alam what to write tonight…
Lately, it feels like wala n naman akong plano sa buhay ko…
Bakit kaya?
Ah ewan…

Basta, happy a ko…
Having realized that…
Eto talaga ako…
Si Brent…

Siguro, to spare this space from being a perfect trash in the net…
I’ll use this blog to tell the people around me, mga bagay na i should have said…

I’ll start, sa kuya ko, na tulog na tulog na, ewan ko lang what time na naman ako magigising bukas, anyway, going back; sa kuya ko… salamat! Salamat kasi medyo still pinagtatyagaan mo ang mga short coming ko, salamat sa support, salamat din for giving me the chance to live the life I am living… (ehem… yung fone pala n hinihingi ko, on sale na!..)

Next sa kuya ko, to my family, inclusive of my dalawang ate plus their husbands and my cute pamangkins… salamat, i’ve matured, nagtitext na ako, nangungumusta… diba, improvement. I just wish na maging mas blessed and oh-oh nine natin…

Kay Kris, salamat for making me feel worthless… joke. No matter what, I still like you; if you have seen the new commercial ng McDo, i wish dumating din yung point na un sa buhay natin, that I’ll tell you, hindi man naging tayo sa huli, you would always be my first love… naks… ganda mo kasi, ang hirap mong kalimutan, nga pala, best wishes sa inyo ng bata mo… 

Bitter?! Hahaha.. selos lang…

Speaking of selos, ate Nikki, selos pa rin ako… wee…
Well healthy selos na lang ‘to I think… besides, nakaintegrate na rin naman akoh sa mga bagong batch…
Cool naman silang kasama… (walang eching yun…)
Ate Bitat, salamat…
Salamat kasi, andyan k lang lage, sorry din kasi minsan naiiwan kita sa ere…
I won’t promise kasi baka mabali lang, but this time I’ll really try na magpakaAnak anakan mu ulit…

Ate Ves, salamat…
Sorry wala pa rin yung xmas gift ko… hehehehehe…
Gudluck sa puso ta jan…. weee….

Ate jules… kaya natin to…
OrseM?! sisiw… 

Speaking of orsem, sa mga bagong sv to experience it gudluck…

Sa tropa nila russ, rex and jansen, Hubert and all the pusoy boys,,,… HINDI ako makasali….weee…

Speaking of pusoy… sa mga dati na, bogs, ate minie, and company… more cards for us to enjoy!

Sa nga graduating, ate calire, kua marsh… GUDLUK, na malupit… and I wish you all the desires of your hearts,, this is it… real world na ang next,,, ibang iba sa comforts ng mahal nating Ateneo.

Sa mag maiiwan,. Ate kat, kua ty, kua mark, kua Oscar… CHEERS!!! Palamunin muna tayo this gradutions… weee…. Next year kau naman mag papakain…

Sino pa ba namiss ko…

Ohh yah… sa nag iwan, YAHYAH; alagaaan mo si Leigh… sige lang…
Your such a losser yahyha!!! Hanap n kami ng ibang yahyha…

Sa sooner mang iiwan kasi magiging busy na sa courses nila…
Anjz and vhanny; sana lang we’ll still have the time na magkakasama… weee…

At lastly, at lastly sa bago kong crush….
Mwah!

a year end begining...

I really never believed in New Year resolutions…
But I guess I’ll be making one this time…
I guess…



I really never know kung ano talaga ang kulang…
I have friends.
I have things.
I have much…
But I’m empty.
Fuckingly thirsty.



I have to admit that this year begun wonderfully… or maybe I just, thought. But generally, I really enjoyed the year 2008, I have found new friends in the persona of my new co Peer Counselors and student volunteers, and of course the many new faces that I have meet this current semester. All of them, I really cherish and care for, I really do. Though I guess I am not that showy, but I do, I really honestly do. Beyond these, I am happy to have finally moved on from being dumped, or maybe rejected, from the very start. Masakit to know now that she choose someone over me, pero she’s happy and that’s the way I want her to be, kaya it’s right na maging masaya na rin ako for her. But, of course, anu’t ano pa man, I will always be here, for her…

I use not just periods in my blogs, coz most of the time I want the story to go on…

Going back, in my status qoh, I have to admit that I am still lonely…
Alam ko naman kasi that a lot of people around me, cares for me…
Alam na alam ko yun.
I have my family; I have my friends, a bunch of good and bad, and best ones.
I have a lot.
I know.

But I want more.
Gusto kong macompensate emotionally…
There has always been a song in my heart, but no one can hear.
It’s cold to caress the self, alone.

Isa lang naman ang sagot sa problema ko; sabi nila, it’s to search.
Pero papaano kung nakita ko na sya….
But the circumstances seem to hinder.
Natatakot to show because I might lose again.
And lose many.
I hate being alone, kaya hindi ko kayang magMOVE and go into the scene…
As I have said, I might lose many.

I hate confinement, but I myself can’t escape from this thing.
Siguro, ito ang turn down ng isang emo…
takot masaktan, matalo, maiwan; kaya hinahayaang sarili ang makaFeel ng pain alone.

Siguro, this coming year…
I’ll be braver.
Braver.